Saturday, January 9th, 2010
"True Portuguese Story" - e-Hawaii Joke
One night at a bar I visited the men's restroom and one big guy followed me in.
"Eh, Funny Man!", he yelled at me, "I'm Portuguese, and I don't care for all those jokes you been telling all night!"
Thinking fast, I replied "Bruddah, I was not ...
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
"You Know You're Portuguese If..." - e-Hawaii Joke
The day after you got married, your wife's immediate family moved into your house, permanently.
The plastic covering is still on your lamp shades.
Every person you've ever introduced to your husband, has been a relative of yours.
There are two refrigerators in your house. One ...
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
"Two Portuguese Men Sleeping In the Car" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) Wat u call 2 portagees sleeping in da car?
A) Mendoza
(Submitted via email by "Crack Seed")
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
"Portuguese Sleeping In the Car" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) Wat u call one portagee sleeping in da kauwila?
A) Cardoza
(Submitted via email by "Crack Seed")
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
"Portuguese On the Beach" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What u call one portagee on da beach?
A) Santos
(Submitted via email by "Crack Seed")
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
"Portuguese Robbery" - e-Hawaii Joke
Returning home from work, a Portuguese woman was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As ...
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
"Portuguese Car Accident" - e-Hawaii Joke
A Portuguese woman had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. Your car looks like an accordion that ...
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
"Pregnant Portuguese" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What did the Portuguese woman say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A) "Is it mine?"
(Submitted via email by "Dennis")
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
"Portuguese State Capitals" - e-Hawaii Joke
A Portuguese woman was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The Portuguese replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
(Submitted via email by "Dennis")
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
"Portuguese Gun" - e-Hawaii Joke
A Portuguese woman suspects her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the Portuguese woman is really angry. She ...
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
"Portuguese Compact" - e-Hawaii Joke
Two Portuguese women are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second Portuguese says, "Here, let me see!" So the first Portuguese ...
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
"Portuguese Coast" - e-Hawaii Joke
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly Portuguese), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband asked, "Who was that?" The wife ...
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Friday, February 27th, 2009
"You Know You're From Hawaii If..." - e-Hawaii Joke
You buy large quantities of toilet paper in case there's a longshoreman strike...
You don't understand why anyone would buy less than a 20 lb bag of rice...
You would serve spam as a meat for dinner...
You can taste the difference between teriyaki and kal-bi
You ...
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Friday, February 27th, 2009
"U Know U Local Eef" - e-Hawaii Joke
You have a separate circuit breaker for your rice cooker/warmer.
Only NOW you know that cilantro is the same as Chinese parsley.
You measure the water for the rice by the knuckle of your index finger.
You know which market shave poi on which days.
You know that ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Glenn's Baggage Claim" - e-Hawaii Joke
One day one Portuguese lady named Mrs. Medeiros was waiting for her dog at the airport and they didn't bring it out. She went to the baggage claim and asked the clerk, Glenn "where's my dog? I've been waiting half-hour already!" Glenn, said "Hold on ma'am ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Blind Portuguese Man" - e-Hawaii Joke
One day while cruising Wall Mart I saw this blind Portuguese guy walking towards me as he was being pulled by his "Seeing Eye" dog. Suddenly he pulled the dog off the floor by it's leash as it choked and started swinging it around in a ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Hawaiian Brain Teaser" - e-Hawaii Joke
Please try fo complete dis as best as you can.
Last name:
_______________________________________
[if your last name no fit, continue on da oddah side of da page.]
First name:
[ ] Junior
[ ] Junior Boy
[ ] J.B. (short for Jr. Boy)
[ ] Honey Girl
[ ] Tita
[ ] Sista
[ ] Bradda
[ ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Pass Me..." - e-Hawaii Joke
They were three guys dining with their wives, a Chinese, a Portuguese and a Hawaiian.
During dinner the Chinese said to his wife, "Pass the sugar, Sugar." Proudly she did while the other wives looked enviously.
Later, the Portuguese said to his wife, "Pass the honey, Honey." She too ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Portuguese Duck Contest" - e-Hawaii Joke
It was duck season again. One sunny afternoon out in the plantation fields, the Filipino and his next door neighbor were out shooting for ducks. The Potagee shoots a duck and it starts falling down landing on the Filipino mans territory.
The Potagee guy says "EH! That's ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Portuguese Acrobat" - e-Hawaii Joke
A haole woman was taking a walk one day when she happened upon two Portuguese men. One of them was digging a ditch with a shovel and the other was doing all kinds of magnificent acrobatic back flips and somersaults.
The woman walked up to the man who ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Full Diaper" - e-Hawaii Joke
Once I visited my sister and saw her little two year old go strolling by.
"Hey sister", I cried, "look at your daughter's pampers, the bugga stay full with doo doo!"
She looked at me surprised and replied, "Nah cannot be! The box said it was good for 20 ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Are You Really Filipino? 115 Ways to Find Out" - e-Hawaii Joke
Confused about your ethnic identity; Want to know just how Filipino you are? Take this less-than-scientific quiz to rate your Filipino-ness. You might just be surprised at the results!
Scoring: Give yourself 3 points if you can relate to the following ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Filipino Hostess" - e-Hawaii Joke
The teacher told her students to go home and make a sentence using the word "HOSTESS." The next day, the first student was a Hawaiian boy. He stood up and said, "My auntie is a Luau Hostess." The second student was a Korean girl. She stood ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Murphy's Law - Hawaiian Style" - e-Hawaii Joke
There will be a minimum of 5 different types of chicken at a potluck.
A girl in Hawai`i reaches maturity when she reads the Long's ad before the Sunday comics.
The chance of being able to divide a manapua evenly in half depends upon how much ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Brain Surgery" - e-Hawaii Joke
This guy walks into this doctor office and says "I would like a new brain." The doc looks at him and says "I got three brains on the wall to choose from."
The guy says, "How much is the first one?" The doc says, "That's a lawyer's brain ...
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