Friday, February 27th, 2009
"U Know U Local Eef" - e-Hawaii Joke
You have a separate circuit breaker for your rice cooker/warmer.
Only NOW you know that cilantro is the same as Chinese parsley.
You measure the water for the rice by the knuckle of your index finger.
You know which market shave poi on which days.
You know that ...
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Sunday, January 4th, 2009
"Raising Samoans" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) How come Samoan Mothers have big arms and necks?
A) Cause they gotta raise their kids!
(Submitted via email by "Dave")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Hawaii's Golf Truisms" - e-Hawaii Joke
SOME SURE BETS -
The rake is always in the other trap
The rough will be mown tomorrow.
The wind is in your face on 16 of the 18 holes.
You always have the honor on a tricky par 3.
Nothing straightens out a nasty slice quicker than a sharp dogleg ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
Rap Reiplinger - "Auntie Marialani's Cooking Show" from Rap's Hawaii - e-Hawaii Joke
Below is the amusing "Auntie Marialani's Cooking Show" video - from Rap's Hawaii - performed by Rap Reiplinger. Video compliments of YouTube. Enjoy!
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Sound of a Filipino Dog" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What did the Filipino dog sound like when it ran into a wall?
A) Doog!
(Submitted via email by "Pok Head")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Glenn's Baggage Claim" - e-Hawaii Joke
One day one Portuguese lady named Mrs. Medeiros was waiting for her dog at the airport and they didn't bring it out. She went to the baggage claim and asked the clerk, Glenn "where's my dog? I've been waiting half-hour already!" Glenn, said "Hold on ma'am ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Help Da Kanaka" - e-Hawaii Joke
Keoki is in bed with his wife, Nani when there is a knocking on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.
"I not going get out of bed now," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Blind Portuguese Man" - e-Hawaii Joke
One day while cruising Wall Mart I saw this blind Portuguese guy walking towards me as he was being pulled by his "Seeing Eye" dog. Suddenly he pulled the dog off the floor by it's leash as it choked and started swinging it around in a ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"No Look Good" - e-Hawaii Joke
One day, a farmer's horse had died and he needed another horse to pull his plow.
As the farmer was walking down the road, he saw a horse eating grass in the pasture and questioned the owner. "How much money would you like for that horse?"
The Filipino ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"King Of the Jungle: The Sequel" - e-Hawaii Joke
... As the lion kept on ragging on all the other animals, the hyena and the rhino was talking. "Eh! Rhino, brah I tired of hearing the lion's stink mouth saying 'who da man, who da man.' brah das bull shit. We ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Cheese" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A) Nacho Cheese, brah!
(By Shan age 11)
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Condom Use Frequency" - e-Hawaii Joke
A Hawaiian man walks into a drug store with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh, I ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Hawaiian Brain Teaser" - e-Hawaii Joke
Please try fo complete dis as best as you can.
Last name:
_______________________________________
[if your last name no fit, continue on da oddah side of da page.]
First name:
[ ] Junior
[ ] Junior Boy
[ ] J.B. (short for Jr. Boy)
[ ] Honey Girl
[ ] Tita
[ ] Sista
[ ] Bradda
[ ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"The Driver" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) If you see a Samoan man and a black man in the same car, who do you think is driving?
A) The policeman.
(Submitted via email by "amazon woman")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Gay Midget" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What do you call a dumb gay midget in Hawaii?
A) Lo Low Blow.
(Submitted via email by "TypicalHawyn")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Hawaiian Lady's Saggy Boobs" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What did one Hawaiian Lady's saggy boob say to the other saggy boob??
A) "Eh, we betta get support or else they gon' tink we nuts!!"
(Submitted via email by "BJ Paet")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Ice Fishing" - e-Hawaii Joke
Two Hawaiian bruddahs decided to go fishing on ice for the first time. As they picked through the ice a voice rang out, "Noooo fishing here!"
"Wow!" Kimo said, "Bruddah you heard that"?
"No!" replied his bruddah.
They continued to pick and again the voice rang out, " I said ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Devastation" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What is a Filipino's idea of devastation?
A) It's where you catch de bus.
(Submitted via email by "not Mike")
"Devastation" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) How does a filipino use "devastation" in a sentence?
A) Hoy auntie, dont you have to go buy your ticket at "DEVASTATION"? (get it the bus station???)
(Submitted via ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"The Ambulance and the Samoan" - e-Hawaii Joke
There was an ambulance with its siren on that was rushing to the hospital that passed by a tenement. After they passed the tenement, they saw a Samoan man running quickly to the ambulance. The drivers were questioned by his presence behind them so ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Filipino Moods" - e-Hawaii Joke
There were three Filipino friends who were invited to a Mood Party. In order to be allowed access into the party, each person had to make an appearance as a mood or feeling.
The first guy went to the supermarket and bought a pear. The second, bought a ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"300 Pound Tongan" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What do you call a 300 pound Tongan girl?
A) Anorexic
(Submitted via email by "smackdownqueen")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Chinese Torture Tests" - e-Hawaii Joke
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Golf Laws" - e-Hawaii Joke
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Pass Me..." - e-Hawaii Joke
They were three guys dining with their wives, a Chinese, a Portuguese and a Hawaiian.
During dinner the Chinese said to his wife, "Pass the sugar, Sugar." Proudly she did while the other wives looked enviously.
Later, the Portuguese said to his wife, "Pass the honey, Honey." She too ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Portuguese Duck Contest" - e-Hawaii Joke
It was duck season again. One sunny afternoon out in the plantation fields, the Filipino and his next door neighbor were out shooting for ducks. The Potagee shoots a duck and it starts falling down landing on the Filipino mans territory.
The Potagee guy says "EH! That's ...
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