Friday, February 27th, 2009
"You Know You're From Hawaii If..." - e-Hawaii Joke
You buy large quantities of toilet paper in case there's a longshoreman strike...
You don't understand why anyone would buy less than a 20 lb bag of rice...
You would serve spam as a meat for dinner...
You can taste the difference between teriyaki and kal-bi
You ...
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Friday, February 27th, 2009
"U Know U Local Eef" - e-Hawaii Joke
You have a separate circuit breaker for your rice cooker/warmer.
Only NOW you know that cilantro is the same as Chinese parsley.
You measure the water for the rice by the knuckle of your index finger.
You know which market shave poi on which days.
You know that ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Hawaiian Brain Teaser" - e-Hawaii Joke
Please try fo complete dis as best as you can.
Last name:
_______________________________________
[if your last name no fit, continue on da oddah side of da page.]
First name:
[ ] Junior
[ ] Junior Boy
[ ] J.B. (short for Jr. Boy)
[ ] Honey Girl
[ ] Tita
[ ] Sista
[ ] Bradda
[ ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Chinese Torture Tests" - e-Hawaii Joke
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Pass Me..." - e-Hawaii Joke
They were three guys dining with their wives, a Chinese, a Portuguese and a Hawaiian.
During dinner the Chinese said to his wife, "Pass the sugar, Sugar." Proudly she did while the other wives looked enviously.
Later, the Portuguese said to his wife, "Pass the honey, Honey." She too ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Chinese Menu" - e-Hawaii Joke
A'LA CARTE
CUM DROP SOUP
(Fresh every 27 days)
PEE YU PLATTER
(Clothes Pins Extra)
HOO FLUNG POO
(Napkins & raincoats provided)
YUNG POON TANK
(No take out orders accepted)
LUNCHEON SPECIALS
1.) SUM YUNG CHICK
(Different and delicious)
$6.99
2) WON HUNB LO
(Chinese meatballs)
$6.99
3) SUM DUM FUCK
(Same as #1 with extra sauce)
$9.69
4) CUM SUM TWAT
(Dinner for parties of ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Full Diaper" - e-Hawaii Joke
Once I visited my sister and saw her little two year old go strolling by.
"Hey sister", I cried, "look at your daughter's pampers, the bugga stay full with doo doo!"
She looked at me surprised and replied, "Nah cannot be! The box said it was good for 20 ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Are You Really Filipino? 115 Ways to Find Out" - e-Hawaii Joke
Confused about your ethnic identity; Want to know just how Filipino you are? Take this less-than-scientific quiz to rate your Filipino-ness. You might just be surprised at the results!
Scoring: Give yourself 3 points if you can relate to the following ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Filipino Hostess" - e-Hawaii Joke
The teacher told her students to go home and make a sentence using the word "HOSTESS." The next day, the first student was a Hawaiian boy. He stood up and said, "My auntie is a Luau Hostess." The second student was a Korean girl. She stood ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Murphy's Law - Hawaiian Style" - e-Hawaii Joke
There will be a minimum of 5 different types of chicken at a potluck.
A girl in Hawai`i reaches maturity when she reads the Long's ad before the Sunday comics.
The chance of being able to divide a manapua evenly in half depends upon how much ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Brain Surgery" - e-Hawaii Joke
This guy walks into this doctor office and says "I would like a new brain." The doc looks at him and says "I got three brains on the wall to choose from."
The guy says, "How much is the first one?" The doc says, "That's a lawyer's brain ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Egg Dispute" - e-Hawaii Joke
Every day, a hen owned by the Hawaiian would lay an egg in his garden, which was used in his daily breakfast. One day, he looked into his garden, only to find that the hen had laid her egg in the Texan's garden.
He was about to go ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Hawaiian Football" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What do you call a Hawaiian football player?
A) A padded "brah"
(Submitted via email by "Lori")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Business Golf" - e-Hawaii Joke
An American salesman in Japan happens to have a meeting with a Japanese executive to discuss the deal of his life. Millions of dollars are at stake and the American hits it off with the Japanese executive. At the end of the day long meeting the Japanese ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
Rap Reiplinger - "Fate Yanagi" from Rap's Hawaii - e-Hawaii Joke
Below is the amusing "Fate Yanagi" video - from Rap's Hawaii - performed by Rap Reiplinger. Video compliments of YouTube. Enjoy!
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"One Way Street" - e-Hawaii Joke
An officer of the law stopped a Filipino man driving the wrong way on a one way street. "Whas da matta" the man replied, "I know es one way... becus I go now and I no come back."!
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"King of the Jungle" - e-Hawaii Joke
One day, the King of the Jungle wanted to tour his kingdom and ask them all a simple question, "Who is the King of the Jungle?"
He came across a giraffe and said, "Grrr!!!! Who is the King of the Jungle?!!!"
The Giraffe answered, "Why, why, ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"OCCC Escapees" - e-Hawaii Joke
One day three men from OCCC was planning an escape. They dug a deep hole under the fence and made their escape. The guards were chasing them down fiercely with hunting dogs. The three men ran for cover and each climbed up the mango trees.
The dogs led ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Podagee Knock Knock" - e-Hawaii Joke
Knock Knock...
Who's there?
Podagee Burgular
(Submitted via email by "Sistah Cuz")
Posted in Jokes | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
Rap Reiplinger - "Chanting" from Rap's Hawaii - e-Hawaii Joke
Below is the amusing "Chanting" video - from Rap's Hawaii - performed by Rap Reiplinger. Video compliments of YouTube. Enjoy!
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Haole Wannabe" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What do you call a Haole trying to talk pidgin?
A) Training Bra!
(Submitted via email by "Sheila")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Moki's Law" - e-Hawaii Joke
Moki’s Law: The chance of you dividing a manapua evenly in half depends upon how much you want to share it.
Moki’s Law: The syrup in your shave ice will always run out before the ice.
Moki’s Law: Never insult a person who is hairier than you or named ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Portuguese Sausage for Lunch" - e-Hawaii Joke
A Hawaiian, a Japanese and a Portuguese were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a Waikiki building.
One day as they were eating lunch, the Hawaiian said, "Fish and Poi! If I get Fish and poi one more time for lunch I’m ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Asian Pickup Lines" - e-Hawaii Joke
10) I may look like a nerd but it's only a disguise.
9) I carry this beeper not to feel important but so my mom knows where I am. I carry this phone to call her back.
8) Uhhhh, no, I didn't play football in high school but ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Comfortable" - e-Hawaii Joke
A Tongan man hired a Samoan man to work at his cattle farm in Tonga. He needed a bull, so he sent the Samoan man to Samoa to buy a bull. Before he left the Tongan man gave the Samoan man $600 to buy the best bull that ...
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