Sunday, August 23rd, 2009
"You Know You Are Japanese-American If..." - e-Hawaii Joke
You know that Camp doesn't mean a cabin in the woods.
The men in your family were gardeners, farmers or produce workers.
The women in your family were seamstresses, domestic workers or farm laborers.
Your Issei grandparents had an arranged marriage.
One of your relatives was a ...
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Friday, February 27th, 2009
"You Know You're From Hawaii If..." - e-Hawaii Joke
You buy large quantities of toilet paper in case there's a longshoreman strike...
You don't understand why anyone would buy less than a 20 lb bag of rice...
You would serve spam as a meat for dinner...
You can taste the difference between teriyaki and kal-bi
You ...
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Friday, February 27th, 2009
"U Know U Local Eef" - e-Hawaii Joke
You have a separate circuit breaker for your rice cooker/warmer.
Only NOW you know that cilantro is the same as Chinese parsley.
You measure the water for the rice by the knuckle of your index finger.
You know which market shave poi on which days.
You know that ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Sound of a Filipino Dog" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What did the Filipino dog sound like when it ran into a wall?
A) Doog!
(Submitted via email by "Pok Head")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"No Look Good" - e-Hawaii Joke
One day, a farmer's horse had died and he needed another horse to pull his plow.
As the farmer was walking down the road, he saw a horse eating grass in the pasture and questioned the owner. "How much money would you like for that horse?"
The Filipino ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Hawaiian Brain Teaser" - e-Hawaii Joke
Please try fo complete dis as best as you can.
Last name:
_______________________________________
[if your last name no fit, continue on da oddah side of da page.]
First name:
[ ] Junior
[ ] Junior Boy
[ ] J.B. (short for Jr. Boy)
[ ] Honey Girl
[ ] Tita
[ ] Sista
[ ] Bradda
[ ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Devastation" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What is a Filipino's idea of devastation?
A) It's where you catch de bus.
(Submitted via email by "not Mike")
"Devastation" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) How does a filipino use "devastation" in a sentence?
A) Hoy auntie, dont you have to go buy your ticket at "DEVASTATION"? (get it the bus station???)
(Submitted via ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Filipino Moods" - e-Hawaii Joke
There were three Filipino friends who were invited to a Mood Party. In order to be allowed access into the party, each person had to make an appearance as a mood or feeling.
The first guy went to the supermarket and bought a pear. The second, bought a ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Chinese Torture Tests" - e-Hawaii Joke
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Golf Laws" - e-Hawaii Joke
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Pass Me..." - e-Hawaii Joke
They were three guys dining with their wives, a Chinese, a Portuguese and a Hawaiian.
During dinner the Chinese said to his wife, "Pass the sugar, Sugar." Proudly she did while the other wives looked enviously.
Later, the Portuguese said to his wife, "Pass the honey, Honey." She too ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Portuguese Duck Contest" - e-Hawaii Joke
It was duck season again. One sunny afternoon out in the plantation fields, the Filipino and his next door neighbor were out shooting for ducks. The Potagee shoots a duck and it starts falling down landing on the Filipino mans territory.
The Potagee guy says "EH! That's ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Foggy California" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) Why is San Francisco, Daly City, Skyline, and parts of the mountain always so foggy?
A) Because Filipinos always leave their rice cookers on!
(Submitted via email by "Pok Head")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Chinese Menu" - e-Hawaii Joke
A'LA CARTE
CUM DROP SOUP
(Fresh every 27 days)
PEE YU PLATTER
(Clothes Pins Extra)
HOO FLUNG POO
(Napkins & raincoats provided)
YUNG POON TANK
(No take out orders accepted)
LUNCHEON SPECIALS
1.) SUM YUNG CHICK
(Different and delicious)
$6.99
2) WON HUNB LO
(Chinese meatballs)
$6.99
3) SUM DUM FUCK
(Same as #1 with extra sauce)
$9.69
4) CUM SUM TWAT
(Dinner for parties of ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Elevator Capacity" - e-Hawaii Joke
I entered the elevator and read a sign that said "Maximum capacity: 10 persons or 2 Samoans or 20 Filipinos"
(By "Billy G")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Filipino Contortionist" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What do you call a Filipino Contortionist?
A) A "manila folder"
(Submitted via email by "John")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Pearly Gates" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) How does a Filipino use the word "PERSUADING" in a sentence??
A) Hoy Auntie Rosing, you’re cousin Bing Bong got married one year ago already, tomorrow him and his wife will be celebrating their "PERSUADING" anniversary!
("FIRST WEDDING" get it.....)
(Submitted via email by "JR")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Full Diaper" - e-Hawaii Joke
Once I visited my sister and saw her little two year old go strolling by.
"Hey sister", I cried, "look at your daughter's pampers, the bugga stay full with doo doo!"
She looked at me surprised and replied, "Nah cannot be! The box said it was good for 20 ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Are You Really Filipino? 115 Ways to Find Out" - e-Hawaii Joke
Confused about your ethnic identity; Want to know just how Filipino you are? Take this less-than-scientific quiz to rate your Filipino-ness. You might just be surprised at the results!
Scoring: Give yourself 3 points if you can relate to the following ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Filipino Hostess" - e-Hawaii Joke
The teacher told her students to go home and make a sentence using the word "HOSTESS." The next day, the first student was a Hawaiian boy. He stood up and said, "My auntie is a Luau Hostess." The second student was a Korean girl. She stood ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Murphy's Law - Hawaiian Style" - e-Hawaii Joke
There will be a minimum of 5 different types of chicken at a potluck.
A girl in Hawai`i reaches maturity when she reads the Long's ad before the Sunday comics.
The chance of being able to divide a manapua evenly in half depends upon how much ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Brain Surgery" - e-Hawaii Joke
This guy walks into this doctor office and says "I would like a new brain." The doc looks at him and says "I got three brains on the wall to choose from."
The guy says, "How much is the first one?" The doc says, "That's a lawyer's brain ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Egg Dispute" - e-Hawaii Joke
Every day, a hen owned by the Hawaiian would lay an egg in his garden, which was used in his daily breakfast. One day, he looked into his garden, only to find that the hen had laid her egg in the Texan's garden.
He was about to go ...
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Hawaiian Football" - e-Hawaii Joke
Q) What do you call a Hawaiian football player?
A) A padded "brah"
(Submitted via email by "Lori")
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
"Business Golf" - e-Hawaii Joke
An American salesman in Japan happens to have a meeting with a Japanese executive to discuss the deal of his life. Millions of dollars are at stake and the American hits it off with the Japanese executive. At the end of the day long meeting the Japanese ...
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