Miscellaneous
A Filipino
man took a test for employment and was asked to make a sentence using the following words:
Defense, Detail, Defeat, & Deduct. After a brief moment he replied, "Deduct
jumped over Defense, first Defeat than Detail.
Two men were
watching a 747 taking off and one of them said, "Isn't it amazing how so much metal
can lift off the ground and fly?". "No!!" the other replied, "If you
had that much pressure coming out of your butt you'd fly too!!".
Last
Christmas my neighbor, Bamby, gave me a small package. I opened it and found two AA
batteries and a tag that read, "Gift Not Included" .... ha ha ha.. Try this one
on a friend this Xmas....
One day
while cruising Wall Mart I saw this blind Mexican guy walking towards me as he was being
pulled by his "Seeing Eye" dog. Suddenly he pulled the dog off the floor by it's
leash as it choked and started swinging it around in a circle. A store clerk ran up to him
and cried, " Mister, mister are you all right?" The man replied with his Mexican
accent "Es no problem I'm just looking around!"....
Why did the
Portuguese business man sit in a tree all day long? He wanted to be a branch manager.....
I entered
the elevator and read a sign that said "Maximum capacity: 10 persons or 2 Samoans or
20 Filipinos" (A Billy G original)....
An officer
of the law stopped a Filipino man driving the wrong way on a one way street. "Whas da
matta" the man replied, "I know es one way... becus I go now and I no come
back."!....
Why do ducks
have webbed feet? To stomp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out flaming ducks....
What is the
difference between a hippopotamus and a large mother-in-law?
2 pounds.....
Manuel and
Philip petitioned the mayor to be first Hawaiian guys to go to the moon. "Why is it
so important", the mayor asked. Manuel glanced towards Philip as if asking for his
okay to share their secret with the mayor. Manuel said, "We like be there first so
that we can pick up all the aluminum cans before da other guys" ...bg orig....
What do you
call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef....
Two Hawaiian
bruddahs decided to go fishing on ice for the first time. As they picked through the ice a
voice rang out, "Noooo fishing here... "... "Wow" Kimo said,
"Bruddah you heard that"? "No!" replied his bruddah. They continued to
pick and again the voice rang out, " I said! Noooo fishing here... " Kimo gazed
to the heaven and said, "Is that you?, our fish goddess Aumakua?"....
"NO!!" the voice cried ... "This is the manager of Ice Palace......"
Only in
Hawaii - Local boy's usually don't like to sit three in the front seat while the backs
seat is empty....
Once I
visited my sister and saw her little two year old go strolling by. "Hey sister",
I cried, "look at your daughter's pampers, the bugga full with do do. She looked at
me surprised and replied, "Nah cannot be! The box said it was good for 20 to 25
pounds.
What do you
get when you cross a cow and a duck?
*Milk and Quackers! (by Shan age 11)
What do you
call cheese that's not yours?
*Nacho Cheese! (by Shan age 11)
