A man is out in the Chinese
wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten
anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under
trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it
and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out
of the chimney implying someone is home. He knocks on the door and an old man answers,
with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What
do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal
or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in
your house for tonight" The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one
condition: You cannot mess around with my granddaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any
trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning" The old Chinese man counters "Ok,
but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known
to man."
"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to
himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life? Well, that
night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful the
granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks,
it had been many, many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the
occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off
each other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept
the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to
himself "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience"
Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes
and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "1st Chinese
torture test: 100 LB rock on your chest" "What a lame torture test" the man
thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and
threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst
Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right testicle". The man, seeing the rock was too
far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window
is a third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to
bedpost"
